But, low and behold, I find myself required to comment on the stupidity of consumers. Anyone who knows me knows I just hate stupid people, and if the topic is the iPhone, idiots abound. As you may be aware, a series of lawsuits have been brought against Apple since the iPhone was released, and very few of them have any merit. Now, I kept my mouth shut about the battery issues, since all of those lawsuits were based on false information and were certain to be thrown out. It's this latest batch that really gets me. The post-1.1.1 update lawsuits.

I'll direct your attention to www.appleiphonelawsuit.com. When a website is made to promote your class action lawsuit, you know it's got to be good. Luckily, this suit has the perfect pair leading the charge: a construction lawyer and a lawyer who cannot practice because he didn't pay his Bar fees. Fantastic. They are looking for people who fall into one of seven categories to join the class action suit. I would like to comment on the legitimacy of each category using (hopefully) common sense.

1. You own an iPhone and you want to transfer to a wireless carrier other than AT&T. You fall into this category even if you did not unlock your iPhone or have your iPhone disabled by an iPhone update. This is an interesting one because it depends on whether or not Apple is doing something illegal by signing the agreement with AT&T. That one I have to let the courts decide. Though it seems to me that phone companies have always offered exclusive phones, which eventually become available on other networks, just like the iPhone inevitably will be.

2. Your iPhone was disabled, malfunctioned, or you had third-party applications erased after you downloaded iPhone update 1.1.1. This one really gets me. You hacked your phone, Apple warned you not to update, and you did anyway, and now you want money for it. Idiot.

Here's bottom line: The iPhone hacks are made possible by exploiting security flaws. If Joe Schmo can get into his phone, what's to stop others from hacking into his phone, too? If this were a Mac, or if the hacks were not in the consumer's favor, idiots would be suing Apple for not fixing the holes. Face it, Apple plugged security holes that also happened to make iPhone hacks inoperable. Apple knew it, and they knew average people were hacking the iPhone, and they tried to warn them. But Joe Schmo isn't a hacker, he just read a tutorial online. He's not qualified to know what's really going on.

That's why I put the blame squarely on the real hackers, the ones who invented the hacks. They should know better than to update after hacking. That seems so basic and logical to me that it hurts, especially since Apple knows what you did, and they probably bricked some test iPhones in their lab while testing 1.1.1, and then warned them! The hackers let these hacks out into the general population, telling them the hacks were miracles, and there was little to no warning regarding the consequences. I saw none when I hacked my iPhone. Of course, I was smart enough to re-flash the firmware to the previous version before upgrading to 1.1.1. Idiots.

3. You contacted Apple to repair your iPhone and Apple refused to honor your warranty because you did any one the following: (1) unlocked your iPhone, or (2) installed a third party application. Oh look at me! I'm ENTITLED to do unsupported things to MY iPhone, which I BOUGHT, and I OWN, and I WANT YOU TO FIX IT NOW! Real nice. If you're going to hack, you need to realize that you are on your own once you step down that path. Hackers are still outlaws (not that there's anything wrong with that).

4. You incurred a cancellation fee from your previous wireless carrier when you transferred to AT&T’s wireless service. I don't see how this is AT&T's problem, I certainly don't see how this is Apple's problem, and I don't see how this is out of the ordinary. Did the idiots think they got a free pass out of their current contract because the iPhone is special?

5. You incurred roaming charges while traveling abroad with your iPhone. This is just one of those cases where the consumer didn't understand the circumstances. A nationwide plan is not an internationwide plan. Fees always apply. That was not out of the ordinary either. The lack of an international plan for the iPhone until after the first person got pissed is a little shady, and shows AT&T wasn't quite thinking ahead. But again, not their fault that the users didn't understand their plan.

6. You purchased a third-party warranty at extra cost for your iPhone because of Apple’s released statement that it will not honor warranties on unlocked iPhones. Bricking the iPhone requires that one hack the software, which voids the warranty. It's not that Apple is not honoring the warranty, it's that there is no warranty to honor, because it is now void. You may believe that you are allowed to unlock the phone because you bought it, and that's fine, but you can't expect Apple to support it after they said ahead of time that they will not. You can't get mad at them for doing what they said they would do.

7. You purchased a new iPhone because your previous iPhone was bricked. It's your own fault for getting your damn iPhone bricked. If you were so mad at Apple and AT&T, you shouldn't have bought another iPhone. You're just encouraging them.

The real trick after all this would be to prove that Apple forced these idiots to buy an iPhone, by making it irresistibly cool. It was not possible to live without owning an iPhone. If they can prove that, well then they have a case, because then they are at the mercy of Apple and AT&T's policy's. Until then, no one had to buy an iPhone, especially before knowing anything about it or the environment they would be forced to operate in. The assumption of such a ridiculous situation negates any credibility one would have.

Now, after all that, I leave you with this final thought. Even though a lot of people hacked the iPhone, by hacking they joined the underground. The hackers. Those raging against the establishment. Apple does not officially support the underground. When your tirade through the underground goes wrong, the last place you get to complain to is the establishment.