Well, it's been a while since I last wrote in. That's because lately every time I try and write something I just get frustrated and erase it. I'm not going to erase this one though, no matter how incoherent or frustrating. I think it's really starting to hit me that I have 18 days until I leave this town, and then another week until I leave this university. I've always been the kind of person whole just went with the flow. I could ignore problems, and not think about drastic changes in my life, and just adjust. As much as I try, I can't seem to do that now. I think it's because I don't have much to occupy my thoughts with. Every semester, my goal was to structure my schedule so that I had the most free time possible. For my last semester, I have finally succeeded in that goal. My schedule is perfect. It contains the appropriate number of classes and break times so that I can work on my homework throughout the day and have completely free evenings. I thought that would be awesome, but somehow I didn't realize that everyone else would be busy at night with their homework, so I've spent practically every night this semester sitting alone in my room or in the living room with absolutely nothing to do. It really gets boring after a while, and is not nearly as awesome as you'd think.
My "real" horoscope today told me that my social life is declining, and that I should do something about it. My "The Onion" horoscope told me the growing shadow around my feet was that of a falling grand piano.
Last Thursday was a really rough day for me. I took Poot in to have some surgery. She slept in my bed the night before and she was so cute all morning, and I don't think she deserved the pain she's in right now. Finally today she's starting to walk around a little, but she still yelps every so often. She can't jump very high, and she still has scabs on her paws where her claws used to be. Sometimes she limps on her front left paw. Watching her recover has just been really hard.
Also on Thursday, I found out my aunt passed away. She was actually my great great aunt, my great grandma's sister. She was very judgmental and had no indoor voice because she was hard of hearing, but she always had everyone's best interest at heart. She was somewhat eccentric. She would only take new, crisp money from the bank, and she would wash and dry any old money that came into her possession. Everyday she would get up early and walk herself to the Jewel to do her daily grocery shopping. That is until three weeks ago, when she had to have hip surgery. At that point, she was confined to her house and told to use a walker (which she did not use). Even though my grandparents and other relatives visited her every day, she knew that inevitably, she would have to be put in a nursing home, and after 88 years of complete independence, she just couldn't take the sudden and complete lack of independence. So last week she decided to stop eating, essentially starving herself to death.
I attended her wake on Sunday. I was amazed at how people talked about her. While they did complain about how she treated everyone, and reminisced about how mean she was, everyone was also very reverent, as though they felt that even though she was dead, she might just come back and smack them. I really was amazed that that little old woman commanded so much respect. I think members of my family actually felt bad for having her wake in the parlor next to a Mexican's wake. She really didn't care for non-white people. Everyone seemed to agree that her essentially committing suicide was completely expected given her character. For some reason, I was very moved by this. However, in order to spare myself continued emotional stress, I chose not to go to the funeral today, instead opting to go to work all day.
So today at work Norma Jean resigned! Imagine that. And to top it off, her last day will also be my last day. It's like the end of Star Trek Deep Space Nine, where at the end of the series, a bunch of people leave the station, and you're initially sad that they're leaving until you realize the series is over and you're not going to see anyone anymore. I'm sad that Norma Jean is leaving, but I'm leaving too, so it doesn't really make a difference.
On an up note, I'm excited about day-after-Thanksgiving shopping. I'll let you know how that goes afterward.
In the interest of completeness, I've made public the blog entries that I wrote and made private for various reasons. They're kind of scattered about.