In case you’re not familiar with the War on Christmas, it’s the time of year when Christians who don’t have enough to complain about become irate with people who say “happy holidays” instead of “merry Christmas”. It gets a lot of attention on news programs, especially canid-based cable news stations.

You know, some people really just wanted a way to say “merry Christmas and happy new year” without having to say all the words. “Happy holidays” was the solution to that, as was “season’s greetings”. They aren’t new.

But sadly, several years ago, some department stores decided to start saying “happy holidays” in order to not offend those who may not celebrate Christmas. I understood why they wouldn’t want to offend their customers, but it is a Federal holiday. It’s like wishing someone a happy Veteran’s Day, even thought they aren’t a veteran. All things considered though, I had no problem with a store deciding not to wish every single shopper “merry Christmas”.

Here’s the problem: The War on Christmas has been going on for so long now that I have been conditioned to believe that everyone has chosen a side. The Alsip Home & Nursery near my neighborhood has a giant sign that says “Season’s Greetings”, and my first thought is “What do they have against Christmas?”, despite the fact that they also have a metric shitton of Christmas decorations lit up all over their lawn.

I also pass by an Ace Hardware on the way to work that has a massive “Merry Christmas” on the entire front of the building. My first thought is, “Look at these guys, rubbing Christmas in my face. They think they’re so much better than the ‘happy holidays’ crowd.”

You see the problem? It doesn’t matter what the sign says. They both wished me good tidings on a special day of the year, and my knee-jerk reaction was to take offense.

Thanks to the War on Christmas, expressing to someone that they should enjoy the holiday season has become offensive.